Meet The Half-Baked ADHD King
by Stuart Lloyd Cohen
Here ye, here ye, from this day forward I do declare me to be the Half-Baked King.
Not half baked as a result of smoking a joint, eating an edible or hitting a bong.
Not half baked as a result of sitting in the sun too long.
Half Baked as a result of starting and not finishing.
To clarify, I am not half-baked but my effort is.
A contender on The Great British Baking Show would get booted from the tent for producing a half-baked sponge. Judge Paul Hollywood would call it raw, stodgy and call the effort shameful. (Which would then trigger my RSD and surely be fodder for the tabloids.)
Thankfully, I am not a baker (because I am unable to follow recipes). While I think I can one day be a Chopped Champion, I’ll never win a bake-off.
Instead, I am a writer and despite having all the right ingredients and knowing precisely what message is heartfelt to bring you I never leave it in the oven long enough to properly bake.
A soggy, blobby sourdough loaf gets trashed. A soggy, blobby article sits frozen in time in an ‘unfinished article’ folder.
I share this big news whilst sitting in my car, in a parking lot, iPad on lap, watching a sprinkling of wet snow flakes silently kiss my windshield in curiously random yet perfectly symmetrical patterns. I see them magically turn into little drops of water and am mesmerized.
Today my wife is having a little procedure done to relieve neck pain that I am convinced I caused by giving her a slightly over-aggressive Sea Doo fun. (Yes, I may always have regret and emotional dysphoria for that one, despite her assurance, acceptance and abounding grace that it was simply a matter of bad luck.)
Good News! My coffee is still hot. The cars that pulled in next to me didn’t ding mine. I saved 15% or more on car insurance with Geico. (Readers take note that one of the above news stories is false.)
Oh, how I digress.
The world has so many fascinating things to see and they’re always happening at the same time! Can you blame a guy for wanting to take them all in? Concurrently?
And so, here we go again. I have produced yet another shining example of a half-baked article that never sees the light of day because I couldn’t bear hearing a dear reader call the effort shameful.
As I give it a second thought (or should I say, as I sit here and perseverate) perhaps I should publish it after all. Over-thinking occasionally has its merits. Considering that I am on a lifelong journey of flipping the ADHD narrative on its head, I wish to make successes out of my digresses.
Some things served raw are bad, like an under-baked sponge cake or pastry. Some things served raw are good, like sushi or fresh berries.
What would happen if I served this article raw?